There are a ton of blogs, books, websites, and more dedicated to the pursuit of a lifelong mate. Even more dedicated to obtaining sex. I can’t speak for everyone’s experience, though I sure love to share my opinion about it, but I can say what it was that my husband did that made me so sure we would work.
For some background, I broke up with my college boyfriend after two and a half years and a few bad decisions about the relationship. After that I remained religiously single. I chose to go on only three dates in a span of almost three years before I met my man. I had vowed I would never get married. I couldn’t fathom how anyone could simply decide to tolerate another human being encroaching on their individuality until the day they died. I was kind of an idiot.
The first thing that my husband did was made sure I had fun. If I wanted to dance, he danced. If I wanted to watch a movie, we did. If I felt like embarrassing myself in a bowling alley, he watched me bowl a 28. It made me feel good about doing stuff with him in return. He never asked me to give up the fun stuff to be with him. Which leads us to thing number two.
He believed me when I told him I needed to have my own life, too. I could hang out with my sorority sisters or friends from work without being worried that he was going to be pouty or miserable. This is because of point three.
He knew he was worth being with. He knew he was a good boyfriend. He knew he was a nice person. He knew he was going to be fine without my constant attention. I’m pretty sure he knew exactly how hot I thought he was. It made him so easy to be with. Which brings me to reason four.
He did not bring in, nor participate in drama. I have met people who genuinely believe that their relationship lacks depth of emotion if there isn’t near constant drama and turmoil. They are in for shitty relationships and even shittier divorces. If he had any issue, which was rare, he simply told me what he thought and we talked about it. This was the major appeal highlighted in point number five.
He communicated with me honestly when I asked him anything. If I asked if he was pissed, he’d answer truthfully. When I asked him why he loved me, he knew and could articulate exactly why. That was powerful. More powerful than I knew it could be until I experienced it. And on top of that, he chose to do this final thing.
He was the most thoughtful person I’d ever been in a relationship with. He was amazing at making me feel like I was always on his mind. He did this without ever making an announcement about how often he thought of me. I remember being disappointed I was going to work late and miss a TV show. He recorded for me and then invited me over to watch it. When I was coming home after work and he was going to meet me at my apartment, he left the closest parking space for me even though he arrived first. He knew I used the last of my bread when I packed my lunch in the morning so he picked some up. He was able to buy me expensive jewelry or high-end gifts, but he honored the fact that accepting those types of gifts made me uneasy. He kept them few and far between and chose to do the little things that won me over.
In summary, my husband is amazing. For so many reasons. We are absolutely compatible. He changed my whole perspective on marriage in far less time than it took for me to previously abandon the institution. I know romantic comedies will tell men (and lead women to believe) that love can only be displayed in grand gestures that are heroically sentimental. But the real truth is that love is easier than that if you let it be. I owe my husband so much for showing me that.
Be loving, friends.